Five a.m.: alone in the morning

But what have I, but what have I, my friend
to give you, what can you receive from me?
		-- T.S. Eliot




Are you alone
too
this morning
with the streetlights
a cigarette
and a smoke

Beer for breakfast
before the sun rises

Or are you snowing 
frozen tears
in your closet
hoping that
no one could get
close to you

It is snowing of
pink petals
from cherry blossoms
and they are getting
on my hair and
the crevices of the sidewalk

Are you at your window too
listening to music
alone at this hour
when  the colors are 
changing
"Talk Talk"
makes you feel alive
while everyone is still asleep
and everyone is still alone
and you are there
and I am here

You said my heart was
beating faster
when we left the West End
And I did not want to let
go 
but you
wanted 
to be 
alone
and so we parted
in two hugs

An Angel 
is hovering
about in a cloud
tinged with purple

Or is it 
fuchsia
that you painted your
furniture with 
and your mother
made flowers 
for your bed

I am wandering
in the streets
this night
wishing that melancholy
would fix me into
a star 
in the night
for you to see
and always remember

The nights
flow into days
into nights
I still have
the Boomers bag
with electric tape
and multi-colored 
little hearts
with my name
that you made
and I kept

And I fell asleep
on your couch
with your cat Max
a comforting thought
to know that you
were 
in the next room
close by
when I needed you
the most 
and you understood

We fell into the
night in two hours
and a few ticks
going by so slowly 
and then so quickly
at Amsterdam's cafe
where you wore a skirt

	``I've never seen you looking so
		gorgeous as you do tonight''

Lyrics from a song
that meant very
much to you
and I wish I could have
said it to you
from myself


We talked words 
about the past 
You asked me if I was happy
over jukebox reruns
of love songs 
and duets
You wanted to live
happy moments 
to the fullest
and I wanted to share 
those
And the songbird
song  kept dancing
on my head and the color
of your hair kept changing
in the light


	"And I feel that when I'm with you
		It's all right, I know it's right"
		
And it's all right
despite all
the mystery
that you say

I still am
The motive
you already know
for sometime
is plain and simple
That
I have said
in three words
Do I need repeat it here

That I love you still
despite my chemistry
that is all wrong for you

You were eighteen
holding a bible
a cigarette
and a foolish grin
I am lost in the pictures
You are twenty-three
and you grew up so quickly
wanting to be in control
yearning to be a child
to be cared for 
Let me be there to catch you too
when you feel so bad
As you held onto a little
baby once 
close to you
rocking it to sleep

What is 
beautiful 
is 
buried deep beneath the surface
And I tremble
at the thought of drawing
each line 
I am not Andrew Wyeth
and you are not Helga
You are much
too meaningful
that I cannot
misplace 
a single part
of you

And we parted 
again
in a hug
amidst the streetbums
and the streetlamps
in front of Apple Tree
to be 
once more
each alone

It is not the sun
it is not the clouds
but both
when it is raining
and it is bright
That moment you said
is you

And I said
that a rainbow 
is sure to follow always